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Is There Anything Wrong with Doing an Anti-Aircraft Shell?

November 10, 2011

Yes! There is something wrong!

This week, a Croat man was admitted to the hospital because he was a walking landmine. While it is not uncommon for ER attendants to remove foreign objects such as light-bulbs, wine bottles and zucchinis from people’s naughty bits, this is the first time I have heard about a person getting an anti-aircraft shell stuck in their bum. This man had 11 cm of explosives stuck in his ass. He could have easily killed himself and those around him. I will admit that I find this morbidly humorous. It also appeal to my fascination with sexually pervertible objects. By that I mean common objects that can be used in a sexual manner usually in relation to sex toys. I am particularly interested in whisks. Not in my own bed, mind you. But go to your local kitchen supplies store and notice how phallic they all are. Every time I see them I think about the middle aged housewives who are making brownies for their children’s afternoon snacks but take a break to spend quality time with their whisks.

But I also think that these whisks represent a larger cultural issue. Perhaps, the American neo-puritan culture is so repressed that our sexuality emerges in the form of whisks and candles. What say you dear readers? And speaking of candles. This last summer I was talking to a dear friend of mine who makes beeswax candles. I hold him that it is very common for people (those with vaginas especially) to use candles for pleasure. The next week at the farmers market, he had tapered candles that were twisted to give them texture. He told me that he had thought about what I had said and made candles to satisfy his market. And those twisted tapered pervertible candles sold faster than any other! I don’ t know how they were used but regardless women were attracted to the shape of the candle. Speaking of shape. Once I was at a local grocery store buying mixers for the night’s festivities. I took my mango and peach juice to the check out counter. As the woman was ringing me up she exclaimed, Oh my god I’m like so attracted to the shape of this bottle right now!” I looked at her dumbfounded and mumbled – “Well be careful with that. Many women end up in the hospital due to broken glass”. She didn’t seem to hear me and continued to oogle to bottle. Then she realized what she had revealed and tried to cover but it was too late.

I want to know this. Why do people use pervertibles? Are people using common household objects for sexual gratification because they are too ashamed/scared to buy a real live sex toy? Or because household objects are cheaper than sex toys? Or because household objects are more convenient to purchase? Or perhaps household items are less threatening than sex toys? It is commonly feared that men will be threatened by the sex toy. Women may not buy a toy they want because their boyfriend will be threatened as he cannot do the same things a toy can (like be hard forever, vibrate or be 17 inches long). But who is threatened by a carrot?! Speaking of carrots. Once I took a class on sex toys at a local sex information organization. A lady attending the class asked is there was anything wrong with using a vegetable in a sexual manner and then cutting it up, cooking it and serving it to her family for dinner. The Sexual Operator says… There is most definitively something wrong!

Please share your thoughts on pervertibles dear readers. I must know more!

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 3, 2011 1:43 am

    Household objects can be used as sex toys and sex toys can be used as household objects! Check out this list of sex toys used for less erotic purposes. Buttplug door stoppers, Fisting candle holders and nipple clamp glasses keepers!

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